MICROSCOPIC LEANINGS

Musings while meditating.                       

 I have been diagnosed with microscopic colitis--microscopic meaning it can only be "seen" in a biopsy.  So tiny, and yet it can wreak havoc with one's digestive system, which in turn  influences what one does and doesn't do--the domino effect ripples throughout one's life.  I thought this is a metaphor for life as well.

What microscopic habits or samskaras ripple throughout my life, infecting my whole system?  I notice how I ever so slightly lean in toward something, or minutely lean away from something I wish to avoid.  I am barely leaning into my breath, but that ripples throughout my nervous system and my muscles in tiny waves--each one influencing the next, eventually influencing the whole.  Those teeny tiny leans take me off center, away from the perfect now.  

Everything makes a difference.

Sankalpa

I have been practicing Yoga Nidra--the deep relaxation meditation.  I listen to CD's and let them guide me in my meditation.  In one of them, we state our Sankalpa, or intention for our life.  I have had two: "I live without fear."  And "I am open to my life."  Whatever our Sankalpa is, as we state it, we know that we have already achieved it, and that it is absolutely true!

On another note, I've been trying to figure out how to write about issues that are normally private and yet also say something.  I have been dealing with a health problem which won't go away.  I tried everything I could on my own, and nothing seemed to be effective.  I found myself being very ATTACHED to not having this affliction.  I was also very ATTACHED to doing it on my own.  This attachment was a powerful force in my psyche--actually dragging me down.

Then I remembered my Sankalpas:  "I live without fear," and "I am open to my life."  And yes, they are true.  What does this health issue have to teach me?  Tomorrow I am going to see a doctor about it.  Yet, even that decision came from a freedom to be open and not have to continue resisting seeing a doctor, because of a past experience.  I am without fear and open to my life.  How freeing!