Decision, Decisions/Bird Brain

I have spent the last few weeks trying to decide if I should have surgery to repair my torn right rotator cuff. What was the right thing to do?  Would it get worse?  If I did not have the surgery, would I make it that much harder, or impossible, to repair?  Could I survive the recovery period?  Should I do it and then be fixed and not have to worry about it dislocating again?  I reminded myself of one of the little birds I see on my walks that are never still and flit from branch to branch, never allowing themselves to really be seen--they're off before I can get a good look.  That has been what my brain has been doing these last few weeks.

Friday, I had an appointment with the surgeon who would be doing the surgery.  He spent an hour telling me all about the problem and what the surgery and the recovery would entail;  it is an arduous recovery!  I was even fitted for a sling with pillow that I would wear 24/7 after surgery to keep my shoulder immobile.  I returned home feeling very stressed and unsure.  (Still the bird flitting from here to there.)

I had been praying for clear discernment of what my body needed and wanted me to do.  I may have mentioned before that I have always been a "good girl," so I easily get caught in "what is the right thing to do.

Saturday morning I awakened and knew I was not going to have the surgery at this time.  My shoulder was not troubling me that much right now--I didn't have to have the surgery.  My little bird lit on a branch and was calm and steady and watchful.  I totally feel as if I have made the perfect decision for me at this time (not the right or the wrong decision).

What a relief!  My body is stiff and sore now--I think from stressing over what to decide--but that's OK.  I feel a lot of compassion for myself and for anyone who struggles with important decisions.