FAITH PLACE AND FEAR PLACE

I was asked to talk about stewardship of my faith at church yesterday (Hope UMC).  Here are my remarks.


I think faith is the opposite of fear.  There is fear that keeps us alive (we don't step out in front of a bus).  But I'm talking about fear that holds us back--fear of the future.  Faith is instead being unswerving in times of uncertainty and living in the present.


It's easy to fear during these uncertain times, especially about our finances.  (The stock market crashed and has not recovered very much; houses are not selling or selling at reduced prices; people are losing their homes; there is a reluctance to purchase goods and for businesses to expand; the job market is sluggish.)  These concerns affect all of us.


So, it is natural to feel cautious about giving our money away.  Rather, our instinct is to hoard and hold on to our resources--we want to have something to "fall back on," and to "see us through."  


Do I then dare give my money to good causes or to increase my pledge?  When I hold back, I realize my faith is being governed by my fear--fear of the unknown, of the future.  And when I take time to scan my body, I notice it is gripping and tight, not open and light.  This is not how I want to live.  I do not want to live from a fear place.  I have made a commitment to live from a faith place--trusting that God/Spirit/ the Universe cares for me each moment of my life--living in the now.  That, even if the feared "bad thing" happens, "I am safe in the arms of God," a phrase I use to remind me of my faith when I am feeling anxious.


Stewardship of my faith asks me to dare to live with trust.  One experiment I have made is to tithe 10% of my earnings from my psychotherapy practice to charity right off the top, before I bank or spend them.  These offerings are small, but it is my intention that guards my faith.  I found out it is fun to choose the charity of the week!  I also discovered that tithing my income caused me to feel light, open, and even joyful!  My heart is open, I am coming from a faith place, not a fear place.

Decision, Decisions/Bird Brain

I have spent the last few weeks trying to decide if I should have surgery to repair my torn right rotator cuff. What was the right thing to do?  Would it get worse?  If I did not have the surgery, would I make it that much harder, or impossible, to repair?  Could I survive the recovery period?  Should I do it and then be fixed and not have to worry about it dislocating again?  I reminded myself of one of the little birds I see on my walks that are never still and flit from branch to branch, never allowing themselves to really be seen--they're off before I can get a good look.  That has been what my brain has been doing these last few weeks.

Friday, I had an appointment with the surgeon who would be doing the surgery.  He spent an hour telling me all about the problem and what the surgery and the recovery would entail;  it is an arduous recovery!  I was even fitted for a sling with pillow that I would wear 24/7 after surgery to keep my shoulder immobile.  I returned home feeling very stressed and unsure.  (Still the bird flitting from here to there.)

I had been praying for clear discernment of what my body needed and wanted me to do.  I may have mentioned before that I have always been a "good girl," so I easily get caught in "what is the right thing to do.

Saturday morning I awakened and knew I was not going to have the surgery at this time.  My shoulder was not troubling me that much right now--I didn't have to have the surgery.  My little bird lit on a branch and was calm and steady and watchful.  I totally feel as if I have made the perfect decision for me at this time (not the right or the wrong decision).

What a relief!  My body is stiff and sore now--I think from stressing over what to decide--but that's OK.  I feel a lot of compassion for myself and for anyone who struggles with important decisions.