Fiercely Surrender

Today is my 75th birthday, which is a pretty big deal.  Since it's Flag Day, I am posting this in blue.  Flag day used to be on all of the calendars, but that is not so common anymore.   

I had an intesting day.  While lying on my black strip doing yoga this morning, my middle back began to spasm as I was attempting to do bridge pose, and I was unable to do it  Then while walking from my car to my Pilates session, I tripped and fell flat out on the sidewalk, first hitting my right shoulder and then my right knee.  It hurt!  No broken bones!  Several people came to my aid, and I figured out I was hurting, but really OK (no, I did not need an ambulance).  I am grateful they came to my aid, however.  My longtime friend took me out for lunch at my favorite restaurant in the Duluth area, and we had delicious food and good conversation.  I have to admit, I was much cheerier leaving the restaurant than I was entering it.

My point is--how do I navigate this being in old age, while at the same time being a vital and engaged person?  When do I give in and when do I fight to return to my former level of functioning?  How do I do this dance gracefully?  I have found that physically I am not the same person I was even a few years ago--there are just too many changes in my body.  I also notice that my children are more attentive, and I am gratefully accepting this loving change in our relationship.  How do I flow with the changes and move into a new stage of my development?

I realized this is a time in my life when I want to give back.  Erik Erickson named it "generativity."  It's not about "making it" anymore, it's about reaping the harvest.  My psychotherapy practice looks different--it's not so busy and intense.  I am looking at different ways to use my compassion and therapy skills.  Being less busy gives me the space to go deeper into my yoga studies and, I hope, to help others benefit from my explorations.  I am currently preparing my lectures and handouts for  teaching the Chakras at Yoga North, the studio I am a part of.  Each time I teach, I get to go a little deeper myself--what could be more rich? 

Dealing with my physical changes has been a huge challenge.  I want to keep as fit and active as I can, while at the same time surrendering to new limits of what I can do--trying to find the blessing in every step--no matter which part of the dance I am currently in.  My bliss would be to surrender to every moment, finding sweetness in each moment--neither longing for the past nor anticipating the future.  I'm not there yet, but I have experienced this sweetness, so there is much hope! 

May you find yourself gracefully dancing--knowing when to stay and when to yield.