FACE TIME WITH NATURE

After all the heavy rains and high winds, I was desperate for some "face time" with nature, so I went for an early morning walk on the Western Waterfront Trail, which runs in front of my home.  It was magnificent! I saw 2 young muskrats, and they are truly "river rats," and "our" great blue heron stalking the waters.  But what was so fabulous was the creek, full of rushing and tumbling water, carving its way over boulders and trees, and how I felt standing there.  I stood on the bridge and experienced it.

Rushing creek waters

fill me with their mighty power

and merge into JOY!  

SWEET HELPING HANDS

Earlier this week I went for a lovely 1 1/2  hour hike in the very wet woods and trails close to my house with my daughter.  The wild flowers and honeysuckles were in abundance, and it was all so green.  This time we went up the trail, which required going up and down rocks and muddy slopes.  At the top, we overlooked the part of the city I live in and saw where I live and the beautiful winding St. Louis river.

I was very grateful for the helping hand my daughter gave me at times when I did not feel confident I and my knees could safely negotiate the climb up or the slope down.  I realize I have come to a very sweet place of allowing others to come to my aid.  This is something I would never have done in the past--you know, "I'll do it myself!!!"  I also realize I receive the gift of loving care, and I give them the gift of being able to give me a gift.  How sweet is that?  

BIRTHDAYS ARE A BIG DEAL!

Birthdays are a big deal, or maybe I'm reverting to my childhood, when every birthday was an exciting and long-awaited event.  I'm the only one I know to announce my own birthday at church--and to announce my age.  This year I celebrated my 76th birthday, grateful to be here to celebrate, and very grateful to be healthy and happy and able to celebrate it.  As I said, it's a big deal.

This year my birthday landed on the day I go to my yoga class (Tuesdays at 9:30 am at Yoga North with Sara Duke as the teacher).  I always like to celebrate my birthday at yoga by sharing some little treat at the end of class.  This year it was dark chocolate with dried cherries--very yummy.  Sara was on vacation and Molly subbed for her, which was nice.  I was filled with gratefulness for the class and for all that yoga has done for my body, mind and spirit.  I would not be able to enjoy and participate so fully in my life if yoga weren't such an integral part of my life.  My body would definitely be more stiff and sore and inflexible.  Although I have fairly severe arthritis and degeneration and torn this and that, yoga helps me to physically enter into my life.

My pranayama (breath) and meditation practices seep into my daily life and even out the rough places while giving me tools to use in these rough places.  I am grateful.

Each year brings loss and change in my body.  Each year I face reality with more ease.  Each year brings more acceptance and surrender.  Each year brings the possibility of more and more joy.

BIRTHDAYS ARE A BIG DEAL!

Aging: Surrendering

Surrendering

She stands open,

arms flung wide, flowers and toads

let go and drop off.

In each step she drops

the detritus of her life

till she's clear as glass.  


Catharine Larsen, 2007 at Transformational Dance Retreat

BREATHING

I have been thinking about breathing and breath.  My breathing has evolved so much over the years--even lately I experienced a new awareness--well, I called it "breakthrough."  


In yoga we say, "If you know breath, you know everything."  If you think about it, it's true--how we breathe is how we are living at that moment.   Do we hold our breath; is it uneven and jagged; do we inhale and inhale without exhaling (I have clients who do this when they're stressed and emotional)? Desired qualities of breath and breathing in yoga are through the nostrils, silent, even, without pause, and deep.  (There are specific breath practices in yoga where these qualities are not observed.)


A way I dealt with growing up in a household with a lot of verbal fighting between my parents was to hold my breath.  I spent years holding my breath without even knowing it.  More than that, I didn't know how to relax into my breathing--at least when I was trying to breathe and get a big breath so I could sing, or to speak (when I was thinking about breathing).  I would tense up and two things would occur.  My breath could only come in through a narrow pathway, as I was too tense to relax and allow my diaphragm to fully expand all sides of my belly and torso (my sides, my front and my back), so I never achieved a full breath.  And when I exhaled, I frequently did not exhale fully.  I guess I was keeping some in reserve just in case (how stressful is that?).   I was bracing and trying so hard.  I've spoken in a previous blog about my stuttering, and my then-breath practices only exacerbated my stuttering.  Both singing and speaking need to ride on the breath.  


When I first practiced yoga and was asked to breathe in a "full breath," I would become so tense, I hardly took in any breath at all, and I was doing quite a bit of chest breathing.  But now, after years of faithfully practicing yoga, I am able to breathe fully and easily.  It is such a blessing!  At my silence retreat this January, I realized I was not relaxing fully at the bottom of my exhale so that my inhale would be even more full and complete.  All it took was an awareness of that to improve the quality of my breath practices before my meditation.  It is a lovely feeling.  


We can't let go of the past if we cannot exhale fully.  Instead, we're bringing the past into our next moment.  And we can't fully take in the present moment if we are hanging on to the past.  If we're holding our breath in anxiety, we're not in the present; we're in the future.   So breathing fully from our diaphragms, letting the belly rise and fall easily, we let breath breathe us, and we live into our lives as they are.  Try it!   

BACK AGAIN!

Here I am again!  I'm back at a place I have known well over the years.  Where?  The place where my expectations of how my life will go take me.  This is what I am saying to myself (usually unconsciously):  "If I do this or do that, then this will happen.  To be specific--If I eat well, exercise, do yoga, meditate, then my body will thank me by not having joint pain (knee pain that interferes with walking this time), intestinal problems (ever since I returned from MX on Feb. 20th, I have not been quite right, although I am better now).  Do you hear how I am unconsciously living in the future and not being purely in the moment?  Using the Yamas and Niyamas, the ethical guidelines of yoga, I am holding on/Aparigraha to my stories of my life; I am not being fully and purely/Saucha in each moment, and my unhappiness over my reality means I am not staying in the center in contentment/Santosha.

I have had to haul myself back to observing and practicing these tools of skillful living and staying where I am as peacefully as I can.  Every now and then I even get a glimpse of joy in recognizing there are blessings in these places too!  These tough places alert me to how I am living my life and cause me to feel grateful for my yoga knowledge--self discipline/Tapas  and surrender/Ishvara Pranidhana.  


And, in all of this, I am practicing the 9th guideline, Self Study/Svadhyaya.  


Let me hear some of your stories.

MY WITNESS GURU

This month in my "Managing Transitions With the Yamas and Niyamas" class, we will be focusing on both Purity and Contentment, the first 2 niyamas.  Niyamas draw one inward, focusing on one's relationship with oneself and learning how to live with integrity and joy.  I have been experimenting with meeting each moment without reservation and remaining content in each moment at specific times in my own life.  Following is one I've been recently playing with.

 I can experience pain in my body at night.  Sometimes I strongly resist it and feel sorry for myself and wish it weren't so--getting more and more agitated.  It helps to remember that I am not my pain, I am not my body, and I am not my fears; my real Self is the unchanging Divine.  The other night I experimented with becoming the Witness or the Watcher of my pain, and my body, and my reactions, and not identifying with these parts of me, which are constantly fluctuating.  I visualize my Witness as a little person, a guru, sitting in lotus pose in my heart, witnessing all and remaining peaceful and unaffected.  I also focused on my even breathing and relaxed my muscles that were trying really hard to tense up.  I'd move away from this place and then just mindfully return to it.  I can't say that it was easy, but I eventually fell asleep.

I was experimenting with being purely in each moment and with remaining still and serene--in contentment--in my heart.  I let myself be the Witness instead of needing to identify with my pain and restlessness.

It's worth exploring!

Namaste