NO HIDING HERE! Silence Retreat #2

One of the interesting things that happens to me on a silence retreat--where there are no distractions--is that I fully 'bump into myself.'  There is no hiding.  All of my behaviors that tend to keep me from living as skillfully and purely as I can are there for me to witness.  (They're always present, it's just that I can ignore them.)  I continued to whisper to myself in spite my attempts at silence.  I realized I had expectations of how I thought things should go.  I struggled with sitting in stillness at the fire--my back hurt, my legs and knees hurt.  Do I tough it out and stay, reminding myself that I'm not my body, or do I move (as quietly as I can) to make myself more comfortable?  I finally got mad, and said to myself, "I surrender!"  "I will do it my way!"  I had been trying hard to do it right--and old good girl pattern of mine.  I made this commitment:
To walk ~ trust ~ my own path to Self.  This changed everything, and I relaxed into the silence retreat.  I am including some of my "restive" haiku.

Voices in my head,

Fiery anger boils within.

Stop!  Find your own path!

Hurting and struggling,

Busy in body and mind ~

No space left for me.

Bumbling and stumbling,

Lessons clutter my journey ~

If I will listen.

Sages await ~ for 

me to surrender my mind

and unlock my heart.

01/09/2011

SILENCE RETREAT #1

Ice gleams on the pond,

Dark water lies underneath ~

Mother plays with us.

01/03/2011

I've just returned from a 2 week Silence Retreat at Hope Springs Institute in Peebles OH.  I'll be writing about it in my next few blogs.  

It's an interesting challenge to agree to spend 2 weeks in silence.  The options are reading and journaling  and no talking; journaling and silence; no reading or talking at all!  I choose reading sacred scripture/yoga texts and journaling.  I reread the Upanishads, finished my biography of Swami Rama, and a haiku book I found at the retreat center.  

Every morning and evening, we went to the round Spirit House and lit a fire in the copper fire pit and watched and meditated on the fire until it went out.  It took about an hour for the coals to completely die.  Fire is an important part of meditation and worship in India.  Fire is the Supreme Consciousness/God/Divine Mother/Brahma.  Interesting thoughts come while sitting at the fire.  

It was cold, and I was bundled up in layers (the same ones) every time.  Do I stay and meditate while my leg, back and knee are hurting--trying to withdraw from my senses by going within?  Or do I shift my position and then finally leave before the fire is completely out, paying attention to my body?  I did manage to stay at least 1 time.  

There are beautiful trails at Hope Springs, which I walked everyday and took many pictures.  I walked the labyrinth nearly every day.  I journaled several times a day, and wrote many haiku, and began to think in haiku!  We had warm weather, cold weather, and quite a bit of snow while I was there.  

I walk quietly,

feeling peaceful in the snow ~

a chickadee chirps.

01/07/2011