I've been thinking about this for a long time--the connection between grief and revenge. Now, when there is such a great discussion about whether to build a mosque near the site of the World Trade Center, and all of the history and grief it holds, I think it's relevant.
After the World Trade Towers were hit by planes flown by Muslims apparently set on our destruction, there was a tremendous outpouring of grief and outrage. And there still is so much grief.
Our emotions are so strong, they beg to be released, the pressure is so great within us. This is the time when there needs to be time and space for grieving. Unfortunately, those strong emotions so often turn into revenge and attack. This is true on a personal and on a national level in my opinion.
As people take their sides on the WTC site vs. building the mosque, this grief is only too evident, and harsh words and views are being expressed. We have split into We and They, not Us. The climate becomes such that truthful discourse, perhaps focused on reconciliation (while never denying the truth of what happened) does not feel possible.
To grieve fully, one needs to get past the denial and anger and realize and fully accept the enormity and pain of what has happened. This is hard and painful work. But, if one does, one begins to envision a life beyond the grief, where the event to be grieved has been integrated, and where one is now transformed and able to live a richer life because of the suffering.
Etty Hillesum, a young woman who died in Auschwitz, said in diary written from an interim camp, "We should be willing to act as a balm for all wounds." (An Interrupted Life: The Diaries of Etty Hillesum 1941 - 43")
Let us all breathe in the pain and breathe out the healing.
Posted by Catharine Larsen, MA, LP at
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