Fears/The Now

I, along with others at Yoga North, am contemplating a trip to the Kumbha Mela pilgrimage in India in February, 2013.  The more deeply I invest myself in yoga and yoga philosophy and practices, the more I want to explore and the more I have a yen to see India before I die.  This would be a 3 week trip.  If you go on the Himalayan Institute's website, you can learn about it and see amazing pictures.  www.KM2013.com

Yet, unlike most I know, I have fears about going.  The long flight and how it affects my body; keeping up with others because I go more slowly now that I'm older; adapting to the immense crowds and perhaps the heat; it costs a lot of money--blah, blah.  These fears were holding me back--keeping me stuck on the fence (ouch!).

I was living in the future, not the moment.  The moment is telling me to go and experience whatever the trip will offer me.  Let it change and perhaps even transform me.  Let me meet my edges and learn equanimity.

I have committed to going!  Let my life unfold!

Norway Travelogue

I haven't known how to write about our trip to Norway, so I'll just begin.  Norway is an incredibly beautiful country (and I live in beautiful Duluth, MN), and it is an incredibly expensive country.  We were gone 17 days--a long time for me, but it was a wonderful trip.

4 nights in Bergen, staying in the old part called Bryggen.  Water, boats, old buildings, tourist stores, lots of sweaters (I bought 1 in Bryggen and a 2nd in another city.  We visited the Grieg Museum, Norway's most famous composer.  It was an incredibly charming place, located on a lake.  Lots of wildflowers, trees, his Victorian-like house where he and his wife lived in the latter years.  His tiny red composing cabin was perched next to the lake.  Imagine looking out your window onto a lovely lake and then continuing your composing at your little piano.  Idyllic.

From Bergen, we boarded our Hertigruten ship called MS Trollfjord, named after a huge fjord we saw on our 11 day fjord cruise.  My first cruise of any kind, so I was taken with the tiny cabin, which was outfitted perfectly.  We could both sleep in it, sit on the couch that folded out into a bed at night, and totally unpack all of our things and stow them in all the little cupboards and cubbies for them.  Our deck was the Promenade deck, where we walked outside around the entire ship daily, exercising and snapping photos of the beautiful scenery.  3 huge meals daily.  Each meal I slathered the good butter on the equally good bread.  Dinner was sit down and served (no choices) and quite good.  Out group of 6 sat at "our" table each night.  Miraculously, I didn't gain weight.

We journeyed northward up the fjord coast, stopping at many towns and cities along the way, as the ship was a working ship, loading and unloading passengers and cargo at each stop.  We would debark the ship and walk around the cities we stopped in, being SURE  to make it back in time before the ship left port.  We crossed the Arctic Circle, and I was the only one of our group of 6 to get the ice cubes down my back, poured by King Neptune, to celebrate the crossing.

We took advantage of being on the ship as it traveled and sat by a window and read and read (yes, and dozed some).  So luxurious to have all that time.  I had taken my Kindle loaded up with books to read on the trip.

The ship issued a kind of "charge card" with which we bought everything we purchased on the ship (wasn't that smart of them--almost like not spending money?)  We bought bottles of wine (the cheapest was 330 kroner, which is about $60 US!) and could take them to our table and save them for the next night, a few snacks; I bought a souvenir Trollfjord baseball cap.  I also bought "kleenex" as I developed a cold-type thing, although I didn't feel sick.

After leaving the Trollfjord, we spent 1 night in Trondheim and took the train the next day to Oslo, a 6 hour ride through incredibly gorgeous scenery of green lands, rushing streams, waterfalls, cattle, sheep, red, yellow, orange, and white houses, "mountains," tundra-type land for a time.

Our friends had a friend, Harald, in Oslo, who had been an AFS student at Denfeld High School in Duluth in 1955.  Harald showed us around Oslo, although it was a rainy and foggy day, so our view of the famous Holmenkollen (sp?) ski jump was thwarted.  He had us for supper, which his friend, Lill, had prepared while we were touring Oslo.  When we arrived in Oslo, the children and grandchildren of one of the couples traveling with us, and who live in Germany, met us at the train!  Each one came on and grabbed one of our bags, including 7y Meredith, and hauled them through the enormous station to our hotel.  Sweet!

We found the Norwegian people we saw, especially the women, to be tall, fit, blond, and golden brown--gorgeous really.  Lauren, my spouse, developed vertigo on the ship and the doctor we took him to in Kierkenes, was tall, athletic and Swedish.  Lauren improved daily, thank heavens for that!

We flew home from Oslo.   Both our flights were on Icelandic Air--no perks.  I had had a wonderful time, and I was so happy to be home--almost euphoric for a week.

I found I don't sleep well at home or on a trip, but that I do well anyway.  I also need alone time, and I had fun being with dear friends.  I do love to eat.  I loved reading.  I love seeing nature, water, colorful villages, beautiful people, visiting with dear friends.  Takk!

Old Stuff!

We leave soon for a trip to Norway and a fjord cruise with dear friends!   Lauren, my husband, was there when he was in NROTC while in college, and has never forgotten how beautiful the fjords are.

Not all of our documents that we need have reached us, and I found myself flaring in anger with our AAA travel agent.  I realized a moment later that it was that my anxiety had "gone sky high," so I reacted in anger. ( Fear of not being able to stay in our hotel in Bergen, etc.)

That is old, first chakra, stuff for me--not feeling safe in the world.  My instant reaction is anger and a need to do something RIGHT AWAY!  This is all to relieve my anxiety.

Interesting how these old fears and "coping" behaviors lie dormant and can just rise to the surface so easily and quickly.  But good I noticed and realized what was happening.  And good it was my husband who was talking to our travel agent at that moment and not me.  :-)

FINALLY!

Finally, finally, finally!  Obama and the military have agreed to end discrimination in the military against GLBT(gays)!  I have been waiting for this day since then president, Bill Clinton, "betrayed" me by not sticking to his campaign promises, and instead implemented the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.  (I even wrote him a letter at that time.)  I, who am married, straight, and old, have just breathed a sign of relief and shed a few tears  of gratitude.

Now we have to end discrimination against gays at the altar.  Of course they should be able to celebrate the sacrament of marriage and have the rights of legal partners everywhere.  Recognizing the love and commitment of gay persons can only enhance the commitment my husband and I made 53 years ago.  If some churches just can't go there, at least make gay marriage legal in the states.

I am sorry to say, the United Methodist Church I belong to still discriminates against "practicing" gay and lesbian clergy.  There is absolutely no excuse for this uninformed and inhumane policy.

Still, today I celebrate.

FACE TIME WITH NATURE

After all the heavy rains and high winds, I was desperate for some "face time" with nature, so I went for an early morning walk on the Western Waterfront Trail, which runs in front of my home.  It was magnificent! I saw 2 young muskrats, and they are truly "river rats," and "our" great blue heron stalking the waters.  But what was so fabulous was the creek, full of rushing and tumbling water, carving its way over boulders and trees, and how I felt standing there.  I stood on the bridge and experienced it.

Rushing creek waters

fill me with their mighty power

and merge into JOY!  

SWEET HELPING HANDS

Earlier this week I went for a lovely 1 1/2  hour hike in the very wet woods and trails close to my house with my daughter.  The wild flowers and honeysuckles were in abundance, and it was all so green.  This time we went up the trail, which required going up and down rocks and muddy slopes.  At the top, we overlooked the part of the city I live in and saw where I live and the beautiful winding St. Louis river.

I was very grateful for the helping hand my daughter gave me at times when I did not feel confident I and my knees could safely negotiate the climb up or the slope down.  I realize I have come to a very sweet place of allowing others to come to my aid.  This is something I would never have done in the past--you know, "I'll do it myself!!!"  I also realize I receive the gift of loving care, and I give them the gift of being able to give me a gift.  How sweet is that?  

BIRTHDAYS ARE A BIG DEAL!

Birthdays are a big deal, or maybe I'm reverting to my childhood, when every birthday was an exciting and long-awaited event.  I'm the only one I know to announce my own birthday at church--and to announce my age.  This year I celebrated my 76th birthday, grateful to be here to celebrate, and very grateful to be healthy and happy and able to celebrate it.  As I said, it's a big deal.

This year my birthday landed on the day I go to my yoga class (Tuesdays at 9:30 am at Yoga North with Sara Duke as the teacher).  I always like to celebrate my birthday at yoga by sharing some little treat at the end of class.  This year it was dark chocolate with dried cherries--very yummy.  Sara was on vacation and Molly subbed for her, which was nice.  I was filled with gratefulness for the class and for all that yoga has done for my body, mind and spirit.  I would not be able to enjoy and participate so fully in my life if yoga weren't such an integral part of my life.  My body would definitely be more stiff and sore and inflexible.  Although I have fairly severe arthritis and degeneration and torn this and that, yoga helps me to physically enter into my life.

My pranayama (breath) and meditation practices seep into my daily life and even out the rough places while giving me tools to use in these rough places.  I am grateful.

Each year brings loss and change in my body.  Each year I face reality with more ease.  Each year brings more acceptance and surrender.  Each year brings the possibility of more and more joy.

BIRTHDAYS ARE A BIG DEAL!